Motherhood Parenting

Please Stop Asking Me When I’m Having Another Baby

Few months after my husband and I got married, some people started asking us when we having a baby. *rolls her eyes* we just smiled and continued with our lives.

I remember a older woman I barely had conversations with, called me up during lunch at church. She said I should turn around, and I did without putting much thought into her order. Then she hugged me from behind, pressed my tummy so hard and asked “when are we having a baby?” Do you have infertility problems?
She made it seem like I was not a woman enough since I had not bared any children for my husband…. I was traumatized

Is a woman’s worth measured by the number of children she can bare?

We live in a society that puts us in a box. And want to control us like video games. When you’re not married; they say ‘Get married’. You get married, they say ‘Have a baby’. You have your first then thy say, ‘Have another’. 

Friends, family members, church members and just about anyone who knows or sees us with our daughter asks the questions …

When are you having another baby?

Is baby number 2 on the way now?

Should we prepare for another baby shower?

Are you pregnant again?

*Sigh*

How wonderful it would be if someone would offer to
•  watch our daughter and allow me to have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night,
• buy all baby essentials, nappies, clothes for the new season, etc.
• Provide school supplies, college fund.


Here Are Some Of The Reasons Why People Say I Must Have Another Child.

1 Your child is lonely.

I grew up with siblings but I enjoyed playing alone, I was never good with keeping company until I was grown. Although I had siblings (3), I’d get lonely sometimes. And besides, now that our daughter is the only child, this allows us to spend as much time as we want with just her. We are her first best friends, there’s no time for her to be lonely, she may be the only child but she has mommy and daddy’s company 24/7.

Children need a stable, happy home more than they do siblings in an unhappy home.

luluspov

2  Age gap of at least 2 years is good

Really… For me, It’s of no virtue to fill our house will children that we will not be able to have time to spend with them and see to it that they grow in well in all aspects of their life. What’s with the rush? Personally, I do not care much about the year gap even if it can be 10-year gap I will be happy as long as I am ready to be a mom again.

At the moment I am not ready. As much as we love our daughter and in the near future, God willing we do wish to have more children but now, we are not ready. I have not fully recovered, physically, emotionally, mentally and otherwise.

I believe children deserve to have parents who will nurture them from wholeness.

luluspov

3  Have another one now while you remember what and how it’s like to have a baby

This is unnecessary pressure on parents. I have rid myself of the pressure because although I do remember what I went through when delivering our daughter but the minute she was born, I forgot all the pains. And, pregnancies are different. Even if I may have children one after another, the experience will be different.

This question is annoying and to some it can be stressful. People have no idea what could be going on during closed doors. Children thought a blessing; some families are not ready to have more than one or even the one child to begin with.

Before you ask, when are you having another baby? Stop and remember that:

  • There’s a family out there that is financially struggling to put food on the table. They not ready financially to care baby #2 or #3.
  • There’s a woman who has had multiple miscarriages and is finding hard to cope with all the heartache that comes with it.
  • There’s a family about to face divorce because they cannot manage as first-time parents.
  • There’s a woman that cannot have any more children.

There’s so much that goes on behind closed doors and I know that some may mean well, but please respect my privacy. Stop asking me when I’m having another baby. Allow God to bless me when the timing is right. No Pressure Please.


Thanks for reading until the end, Please share your views on this post!

👋

(8) Comments

  1. I never experienced this after my first child. But after my second, I’ve been getting asked a lot by my family. My first two are both girls, and now its like I’m supposed to give them a boy. I can’t choose, and I’m not about to have 10 children trying to have a boy!

    1. Imagine that. This is all unnecessary, but in all this I have learned to not be a people-pleaser, otherwise one might end up with a house full of children.

      Thank you for your come IHeartKake
      luluspov recently posted…Newborn MotherMy Profile

  2. Hi Futhi,
    That’s so rude of that old woman to invade someone’s privacy. I now understand the title of your post. There’s always so much noise outside, please focus on the ones that appreciate you, your family and your privacy. Don’t let those noise ruin your day 🙂

    1. Thank you Ye Chen

  3. I’m sorry you had that experience with that older woman. That sounds really invasive. I don’t know what makes people think they have the right to weigh in on decisions like these. I’m a single mom and occasionally I get asked if I want to have another one. That’s always awkward because I would need to find a partner first. There are so many reasons why people do or do not have children. What it boils down to is people need to mind their own business. Thank you for sharing.

    1. So true…People like to put unnecessary pressure on moms and/or parents, and we don’t need that, a little support would do.

      Thank you for your comment
      luluspov recently posted…Newborn MotherMy Profile

  4. Pretty says:

    Many times people are pressured to have children after marriage.Society measures our worth as women with having many children. We are financially and emotionally stressed hence we raise unhappy children.

  5. Amen! I love this, and you are so right. We have made the decision to not have anymore children. It is amazing to me how strangers feel the need to tell me to have another child! It’s incredible. I have had pressure from family as well, when they aren’t close by to help with this one. I agree that because we have one, we can focus on him. We are our son’s best friends, and I feel that he has a wonderful childhood.

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